BLOOD FOR DRACULA (1974)

This last Sunday my old lady and I went to the beach. It was a mellow, romantic affair. We held hands and strolled along the shore running into various pieces of vitriolic splendor. First was the rotting corpse of a seagull, then the pile of excrement so large that I couldn't tell if it came from man or beast, and lastly as we finished our search for sea glass, we were lucky enough to find a spoon. The spoon was bent and rusty with a multitude of tiny scrapes lining it's bowl. It was a cooker for drawing up skag.

Welcome to Oxnard Shores.

That junkie spoon got me thinking though. I was reminded of the numerous junkie related films I've seen, which got me thinking about the seedy urban underbelly films of Paul Morrissey, TRASH in particular, which in turn led me to thinking about my favorite Paul Morrissey film, BLOOD FOR DRACULA (aka ANDY WARHOL'S DRACULA), a junkie film in a different vein to say the least.

Paul Morrissey usually gets glossed over by the mainstream. Thanks to his working relationship with Andy Warhol and the Facorty all of his early films got saddled with Warhol's name in top billing as a sort of Warhol seal of approval. A move that despite creating confusion in the general public over who made the films, I'm sure made sense at the time. Warhol was a legitimate celebrity, and getting his name attached to your project generally meant more eyes on you. Just ask The Velvet Underground. However, the fact of the matter was after Warhol got shot by Valerie Solanas in 1968 (see I SHOT ANDY WARHOL), he had very little to do with filmmaking leaving collaborator, Paul Morrissey, to pick up the Factory filmmaking reigns. Suddenly under Morrissey the Factory films became less experimental/ minimal and more mainstream in terms of style and narrative structure, while still maintaining a focus on characters of the underground as seen in FLESH, TRASH and HEAT.

Since collecting 50% of the profits was Morrissey's only form of payment in working on these films, as time went on his projects ended up becoming more and more commercial. The pinnacle of this move to commercialism came in 1973 when Morrissey remade two classic horror films back to back in FLESH FOR FRANKENSTEIN and BLOOD FOR DRACULA.

BLOOD FOR DRACULA revolves around Count Dracula and his comical/ pathetic quest for pure virgin blood in a world overwrought by impure sexual promiscuity. The thickly accented cast is headed by that chihuahua of a man, Udo Kier, in the lead as Dracula. Udo ends up being pitted against Joe Dellesandro's usual New York beefcaked-ness as the Marxist handyman, Mario, who ends up serving as the protector of the family that Dracula is trying to infiltrate.

SYNOPSIS:

Count Udo sits at a mirror applying black die to his silver hair and red gloss to his lifeless lips. Sickly and pale, he has no reflection, but his vanity remains.

I see a red door, and I want it painted black.

Anton, the butler, brings Dracula his sister. She is sick and weak and needs to be kept in the crypt with the rest of his family. A fate that may befall Dracula if he doesn't get the blood of a virgin (pronounced: wehr-gin) soon. It seems that finding wehr-gin is proving to be more and more difficult for Anton. Dracula is simply too creepy and weird for the local folk to handle, and no one in Romania will entrust their daughter to him. Time to outsource! They decide to take a trip to Italy. Since the country is predominantly Catholic, there should be no trouble finding wehr-gin there. ~ZING~! Also his status as a Romanian Count would be impressive to most. Dracula gets bummed that he can't take his old books, stuffed birds and dried flowers with him though. ~WEIRDO~! You get the impression that the rich lazy Count wouldn't know how to wipe his own ass if it wasn't for Anton.

That day Anton and Dracula, in the world's hairiest vulture-esque coat, head off for Italy by motorcar with a coffin strapped to their roof. So much for not looking like a weirdo. Let it be known that the sun does no damage to Dracula in this movie, but he is annoyed by its brightness.

Batmobile.

In Italy we meet the Di Fiore family. There's Esmerelda: the pious homely one, Rubinia and Saphiria: the young slutty ones and Perla: the innocent teen. While tending the garden with Perla, Rubinia and Saphiria decide to whip their tits out. Why? Does it really matter? Perla makes a stink, which forces their snooty bellowing regal mother to put a stop to the exhibitionism. Then Dellesandro and his thick New York accent drop by as the houseboy, Mario. He wants to know if he'll be seeing the girls later, but for what ever for?

Better Homes and Gardens.

At a local inn Anton and Dracula arrive. The owners can't help but react to Dracula's odd malnourished appearance. Anton works some recon on the owners explaining Dracula's situation and his need for a wehr-gin wife. The owners recommend the Di Fiore family, who have a big house and thus, must be religious.

In Dracula's room the count bitches and moans about the accommodations. He can't even get good vegetables here and has to settle for Romaine lettuce. Not only that, but he's all out of cheese too! He's such a baby. Anton ensures that all of the Count's pain will not come without reward because Anton will make sure the Di Fiores will provide him with a bride. The Count's hunger pains then lead him into some nice spasmatic convultions like a junkie getting the DT's.

Dracula pays me to make this face at all times.

Back at the Di Fiores, Mother has gotten word of the Count's interest in her daughters, and her and Papa Di Fiore talk over how great it would be to marry into some wealth. It turns out that their estate is falling apart, as they are almost destitute despite living in such grand fashion. Papa Di Fiore talks with an OG Dracula accent for some reason. When Anton arrives, the Fiores are receptive to the idea of meeting Dracula and talk him into bringing the Count over to stay at their place instead of the inn. Anton lets them know of Dracula's little peccadillos, so they're not shocked at his weirdness.

Later at the local tavern Anton tries to get some local dirt on the Di Fiores. An old woman and a young girl don't have much to say, but a table of men who used to be the Di Fiores' field workers bury the Di Fiores for not paying them for their work. Anton tries to get more information from them but gets caught up in a game of copy cat with a mustachioed Roman Polanski. After losing to Polanski, a car accident occurs outside and the young girl with the old woman is left bleeding. Anton conceals a loaf of bread and leaves.

13 year olds, dude.

Later in Dracula's room Anton returns with the loaf of bread soaked in blood. It turns out that when Anton went to check on the injured girl, he pretended to faint at the sight of the blood. While on the ground he used the bread to sop up the blood like a sponge. Dracula feasts on the bread intimately eating and drinking the blood. He now has enough strength to meet the Di Fiores.

At the Di Fiores Papa and Mama Di Fiore layout Dracula's impending arrival and intentions to their daughters. After, the daughters lament their future already believing that Dracula must be a weirdo to not land a wife in his home country.

Later that night Mario bangs Saphiria and Rubinia just because he can. Tits and ass on parade. After, Saphiria lays out her plan to marry Dracula for his money and take Rubinia with her. She also wants to take Mario as her butler/sex slave, but Mario calls bullshit on that. He's been boning up on Marxism and the communist revolution among other things, and knows it's only going to be a matter of time before the working class rises up and wipes out all the rich fat cats. The sisters scoff at Mario's commie pipe dreams. To which he replies, "I'm tired of you two tramps. Whatta bout your lil sista' ? What does she do all night? I'd like to rape the hell outta her." BOLDNESS~! There's nothing like having a character come out and flat out say he wants to rape your underage sister. The sisters shoot down that idea and while Mario freshens up, the sisters start lezzing out on each other. ~Hot~?

Lesbian incest, when tastefully done, can be a beautiful thing.

The next day Dracula arrives in all his queerness. The sisters aren't that impressed. While settling in, Mario and Anton get into a little tiff when Anton tries to boss Mario around. Mario asserts that he isn't a servant. Later Shaphiria meets up with Mario in his shack for a nooner. She complains about Dracula being ugly. Mario lets her know that after the revolution Dracula won't be rich and ugly anymore, but just ugly. He then gets fed up with her moaning and moves in to rape her. She doesn't want it, but then professes her love for Mario. How can you hate fuck someone when they tell you that they love you? Mario kicks her out for killing the mood.

Saphiria complains more to Mother about the count. She doesn't trust him, but the mother is still bent on marrying into some money, so she sends Saphiria up to the Count with some food. Alone with the Count, Saphiria lies about her virginity, Dracula grills her for the truth feeling her up in the process. Still she lies. Believing her, Dracula goes for it and gets on with the necking, but the milks gone bad. Dracula gets green in the gills and proceeds to violently puke up a storm in the bathroom. ~AWESOME~!

All the while, Mario kicks it with Rubinia... naked. Softcore ensues. They wax over classism mid-coitus. Rubinia is a spoiled rich bitch, so Mario gives it to her like a spoiled rich bitch.

The next day, Saphiria lets her mom know that Dracula doesn't want her because she's not a virgin. Mommy's appalled, but at least she still has Rubinia. Later in the kitchen Dracula gets impressed by Esmerelda's bookishness. While Mario takes the Count back to his room, the two engage in a war of words over the class struggle. Mario knows that his time will come. Dracula hears enough and has another pathetic blood fit as he goes up the stairs.

My kind of communist party.

Later in Mario's commie pleasure palace, hello hammer and sickle paint job, Mario is in the midst of giving Rubinia another naked roll. Rubinia lets Mario know that Dracula is obsessed with marrying a virgin. His response, "This I didn't know. So what's he doin' with you two hoo-ers?" ~GOLD~! Rubinia doesn't agree with the "hoo-er" thing, but that doesn't stop Mario from slapping her around and forcing her to give him some head.

Bo Jackson. Billy Joel. Bon Jovi...

After the oral rape, Rubinia prepares to meet Dracula and cleans up (full frontal) in the bath, all the while teaching Perla the fine art of the whore. Perla doesn't think promiscuity is right, but Rubinia assures her that as long as you clean yourself up in between men, then it's all good. Words to live by. Perla also asserts that she hasn't been bonked by Mario, so she's still a virgin.

Now with Rubinia in the romantic confines of Dracula's bathroom, Dracula goes back into virgin interrogation mode. He lets it be known that his former wife was bookish and not extravagant. Rubinia holds up her virgin facade until she notices Dracula's lack of reflection, but it's too late. Dracula puts the bite on, and you tell with the heavy breathing and light humping that it's the closest thing Dracula gets to sex. But Rubinia's a whore, so the results are the same.

Vomitus Maximus.

Rubinia now zombies about, and Anton comes to Drac's aid. Dracula moans, "My body can't take this treatment anymore. The blood of these whores is killing me!" I hear you , man.

The next morning Papa Di Fiore sets out on a "business" trip to London. He asserts that the whole daughter marriage thing will work out and leaves Momma to handle everything on her own. Inside Anton notifies Mother and Perla that Dracula will be leaving tomorrow without a bride thanks to Saphiria and Rubinia not being virgins. Before Anton leaves, he takes great interest in sweet innocent Perla. She may not be old enough for marriage, but virgin blood is virgin blood.

Axe but no body spray.

Outside Perla let's the wood chopping Mario know that he needs to help pack Dracula's car. Mario's pretty suspicious of Dracula and his weirdness. After Perla shows no understanding of sex talk, he tries to put the moves on her, but she isn't interested.

Inside, Dracula wheels about looking for some company - nice camera mount. He ends up buddying up with Esmerelda, who comes clean on the family's financial woes. It turns out they're almost destitute thanks to Papa's London gambling trips. The two get along like two weirdos in a pod.

At night Mario discovers that Dracula's coffin has been empty all along. Dracula had been trying to pawn the casket off as that of a dead relative he was taking back to Romania. Meanwhile the bitten whore sisters, check in on Perla. They hold her down and finger check her goody to confirm her virginity. They try to take her to Dracula, but she escapes and runs into Mario. Mario lets Perla in on Dracula being a virgin hungry vampire or as how he explains it, "a throwback to religious perverts in the middle ages." Perla doesn't understand, but Mario, the gallant protector that he is, has an idea, "You should lose that uh... virginity of yours." He proceeds to rape the hell out of her.

Hug it out, bitch.

Momma Di Fiore makes sure to break it up, but the deed has been done. As Dracula listens on, Mario gives Momma the truth on the Count, but she doesn't believe it. To prove himself Mario takes everyone to find the sisters. With everyone gone Dracula comes out of the shadows and bellies up to the small pool of deflowered virgin blood on the floor. He slurps it up. ~AWESOME~! Then Esmerelda shows up and Dracula gives his best sad puppy dog face. Nice.

Busted.

Mario and company now find Saphiria and Rubinia lightly dyking out on each other. They're under Dracula's power, but not vampires. Mario knows that it's time to kill Dracula. Then Esmerelda shows up and Mario doesn't even offer to devirginize her. HA! Mario heads off in search of his axe. Oh hey, and Dracula and Anton listened in on the whole thing.

So it's time to split, but Dracula can't leave without his coffin. Anton and Dracula try to carry it out, but before they get too far Mario smashes it with his axe. The chase is on, and Mario heads after Dracula. Anton tries to escape on his own, but gets cut off by Momma and her trusty pistol. After trying to sellout Dracula, Anton ends up stabbing Momma in the side and makes a break for it, but Mother still has enough left in her to fire off a few rounds and nail Anton in his dome piece. Soon enough Mario catches up to Dracula and hacks off an arm.

~GORE~!

Then another arm. Then a leg and another leg. The blood is plentiful as Dracula writhes around on the ground and hisses like an injured snake. Just as Mario sets off to use his axe handle as a stake, Esmeralda comes shrieking onto the scene. Turns out she was an old homely virign, and she's been turned. She pleads with Mario to spare the undead life of her new love, but like Mario gives a shit, Dracula's a blood sucking aristocrat, so he stakes him good and proper. Insane with grief, Esmerelda then impales herself onto the Count.

Got wood?

Perla wanders out to see the results, but what's done is done. The underclass has risen and overtaken the bourgeoisie. Mario then ushers Perla back into the estate and closes the door on this bloody tale.

REVIEW:

Let's here it for eurotrash! BLOOD FOR DRACULA has a lot going for it. It's a campy film filled with some bad but true acting. Everything is played straight though, so it works, and that's a testament to Morrissey because under any lesser director the film would have fallen on it's ass. The film is perfectly cast. Each actor has a natural thick accent, which makes the characters fun to listen to and to try and imitate. There's german, italian, british, french and god knows what else being heard with each only accentuating the foppishness of the aristocracy. Even Dellesandro's out of place New Yorker accent works in that it further sets his character apart as working class. Morrissey also throws so many exploitation elements at the screen that things never get boring. There's enough nudity and softcore to titillate, enough misogyny to be outraged by and enough blood and gore to fill a bathtub. Not only that, but if you want to get highbrow about it, you can always chew on the social commentary and flex your inner Marxist. Morrissey definitely covers all of his bases in this one and makes sure to hit it home with a stake in the heart.

HIGHLY RECOMMENDED for vampire heads, boobie lovers, commies and closet rapists.

Available on DVD and INSTANT NEFLIX.

BONUS:

There's some controversy surrounding the film regarding the input of known italian director, Antonio Marghereti (Cannibal Apocalypse). Early italian prints of BLOOD list him as director. He was noted to have been on set supervising and even filming some scenes with actors, but Morrissey was also there doing his thing as well. Some believe Marghereti to be the true director due to Marghereti not being a stranger to gore and due to Morrissey's sudden jump in cinematic style on FLESH and BLOOD, as Morrissey's earlier films were less polished and more subdued when it came to camera tricks. In Morrissey's defense his films could be expected to look different as he was working with a bigger budget and a crew of professionals supporting him, as opposed to his usual bare bones skeleton crew that he would use on earlier projects. A lot of the polish of the film can likely be attributed to the fact that he was working with a more accomplished cinematographer than himself, as well. IMDB lists Marghereti as an uncredited assistant director and second unit director. Meaning, he was more of a go between among Morrissey and the italian crew, and he shot pick up scenes with some of the non principal actors. Chances are the foreign investors stuck Marghereti with Morrissey just to make sure he didn't fuck anything up due to his inexperience. Udo also states that he was only ever directed by Morrissey.